I went searching for a non-wheelie suitcase this weekend. That doesn’t make for an interesting story, but what does is that – although I scoured the whole of Kensington High Street (a modern shopping street, if you will) – I just couldn’t find one. Not a single one. It wasn’t like I was being picky, either. In fact, I was willing to take anything that came my way. I was a self-proclaimed suitcase whore. But it was only non-wheelie suitcases I was going to go for.
But I couldn’t find one anywhere… I walked into a suitcase shop which (a bit like those Christmas Shops dedicated entirely to the festive season, which spend the whole year sitting there waiting for Christmas and its merry customers to come around) was dedicated entirely to…suitcases. Like The Christmas Shop, I expected The Suitcase Shop to specialise in suitcases – suitcases of all shapes and sizes, of all ages – and to pounce on any customer who happened to walk through the door. “May I ask what it is that you’re searching for, Madam?” “A suitcase, actually.” “Well what a coincidence! That’s all we sell here!”
Yet the shop didn’t dedicate itself to all suitcases that have ever been created, but rather, to the god of Wheelie Suitcases alone.
“Excuse me, you don’t by any chance have any suitcases without wheels, do you?” “No, sorry we don’t!” “Know anywhere that might?” “Ummmm…Asda?”
But even trusty Asda couldn’t offer me a large suitcase without a zimmer frame of wheels attached to it. It was turning into a bit of a mission.
And then it hit me; this blatant lack of wheelless suitcases was clearly the depressing result of a certain rise in laziness and subsequent obesity in the UK. Why lift a case when you can just wheel it behind you in a suitably sloth-like (and irritatingly noisy) manner?
Well, because we’re not robots (yet).
So my (slightly rash) conclusion is to completely ban wheelie suitcase for a year, to help in the never-ending battle to combat obesity. What’s more, it’ll also help those of us who want to stash even more stuff in their suitcase before flying. After all, you’ll be saving a good few kilos on wheels, which you can then cash in and use to pack some very inessential fodder for your holiday. And – to make matters even lovelier – you probably won’t have to share your seat with a rather overweight person’s overflowing buttock.
Two birds, one stone.